You never know, until you see the damage
by mon-amourr
Summary: Fenris wondered why the mage was always so vague about huis time in the Circle. Will he be able to find out why? ch 1 replaced
1. Chapter 1

Fenris didn't understand him anymore and he wasn't the only one. He and Sebastian had looked and checked the Abomination out more often. They were in the Deep Roads and Anders saw the Hero of Ferelden, Mahariel. He was also uncomfortable and for some reason both he and Sebastian didn't like to see that. They saw Mahariel and Anders talk in private and saw Anders looking surprised and then he frowned. Mahariel put out her hand and he took it. After that she hugged him and he hugged her back. When Anders was back with Garret, he smiled.

"Take good care of Anders and don't worry it is just for safety. I will be in Kirkwall soon and talk about it. Remember Anders, you are in Kirkwall for Grey Warden purpose. To see if there is a possibility of setting a Grey Warden outpost. Say that I didn't want anyone to know okay?" Said Mahariel and Anders nodded.

" I know, now you go because I think Nate is getting jealous." he said with a wink and Mahariel laughed and then turned all serious.

" You told me about Merril. When I was looking for Morrigan I found out what the Eluvian does. Tell her that I said that the Eluvian was used in the days of the Imperium. They got the mirrors from the time of Arlathan and used it. The Eluvian is a portal device. It brings one to different locations. Tell her that it won't tell us anything about the days of Arlathan and that I will come to see her soon! I really want to see her and Keeper Marethari again. Take good care of yourself and remember what you promised me Anders! Bye!" And then Mahariel walked to Nathaniel, but not before turning around and said one more thing.

" Tell her that dear Tamlen died at my hands on his wish. Tell her that the Eluvian made him a Ghoul and that he didn't want to live like that. Oh and Anders tell her that I'm sorry that I left her too." And then she walked away with Nathaniel, Sigrun and Oghren.

" I promise Commander! And take care of Nate, Maker knows he needs it!" shouted Anders with a grin. He missed them more then he ever wanted to admit. It was good to see them again, maybe one day he could go back to Amaranthine. He turned to Garret, Fenris and Sebastian and smiled.

" Okay I will be the one who ask first, but what did you promise her?" Asked Garret, but Anders just smiled but kept quiet.

" Shall we go, I don't like to be in the Deep Roads." Said Anders instead and he walked away.

" Why don't you like to be in the Deep Roads?" Asked Garret curious and both Fenris and Sebastian shook their head. " Beside the obvious reasons why one don't like the Deep Roads." Added Garret and Anders turned around and opened his mouth and then closed it again.

" Oh so except the fact that I have a feeling that this whole place could fall down upon us and that I notice every darkspawn close by, I have no idea why I don't like the Deep Roads Hawke?" Said Anders sarcastically, but then he sighed. " I don't like confounded places. Can we go know now?"

"No need to get all grumpy now Anders, I was just curious." Garret said while walking towards the exit. Behind him Anders let out a soft sigh and looked around him and slowly his eyes focused on Fenris and Sebastian. He nodded before following Hawke.

When they exited the Deep Roads, Anders took a deep breath and looked much more comfortable. He looked at them with a smile before opening his mouth.

"Hawke, Merril is in home right? Do you think she will let me talk with her. I'm not exactly on good foot with her." He asked.

"Depends what you have to say, do you want us to come with you?" Asked Garret, quite curious why Anders actually wanted to speak with Merril. It couldn't be about what the Hero of Ferelden said could it?

"Naah I can do it alone. Thank you Hawke, have a nice day. You too Sebastian, Fenris." And after that Anders left towards the Alienage.

"What do you two think, shall we follow him?" Garret said with a grin on his face that quickly disappeared after they both shook their head. Fenris and Sebastian left to go to the elf his house to talk.

Their talk lasted longer that they anticipated as it was already evening when Sebastian finally noticed how late it was. The prince was about to leave when incistent knocking was heard. Fenris and Sebastian both walked towards the door only to be opened with a worried Garret and a wounded and unconcious Anders to come in.

"Fenris, I know this is sudden but can Anders stay here a few days. Templars came in his clinic and did things. He refuses to let me see the damage, saying that he will be fine after some rest. I can't let him stay there until Varric and I cleaned up the mess they left. I would put him in my house, but the Templars would expect that. Plase Fenris I would very much appriaciate it."Garret said quickly and somehow all Fenris could do was nod and he gave the prince a look that asked him to stay, to which Sebastian nodded. Fenris showed Hawke the guest room where he placed Anders on the bed.

"I will ask Oranna to bring some food, he is far to light for a man his hight. Oh and Fenris," Garret waited until Fenris looked at him in the eyes before continuing. "Thank you. I mean it, this means more that you can imagine.


	2. Chapter 2

Hawke wasn't lying when he said that Anders was far too light. He and Sebastian decided to make the mage more comfortable by taking of his coat. Fenris lifted the mage up while Sebastian quickly took off the coat. Fenris frowned at the weight, it didn't feel like he had a grown man in his arms. They both saw that the shirt had holes in it and that it was torn as well. The prince saw that Elf frowning and gave him a questionably look which Fenris answered with a not now shake. The Elf softly lay down the mage and beckoned Sebastian to the other room. Once they sat down Fenris began to talk.

"Sebastian... Hawke was right. The mage is far too light for someone his size. I could feel his ribs through his coat. There is a lot more going with him then he tells."

"Hawke said he would send Orana with some food right? So we just have to make sure he eats and maybe look for a different shirt." Offered Sebastian to which the elf nodded. They knew there was more to the mage then he let on and they both were sure to find out what it was. There was a soft knock on the door and Fenris knew it was Orana. He shouted for Orana to come in and she did softly.

"Serah, Messere Hawke asked me to bring some food and some potions for Messere Anders. Would it be okay if I bandage Messere Anders up? I lately spend some time at his clinic and he taught me the mundane ways of healing!" Orana spoke the last part full of happiness and pride, something she rarely did and both the men could just nod and showed her to Anders. The mage looked horrible. A black eye and some small cuts and wounds, but it didn't deter the former slave girl. She quietly made her way to the Warden's side and slowly put him in a sitting position to take off his shirt to see the damage there. When she managed to take the shirt off, she heard to gasps. She looked at them and saw that both the elf and the prince were staring at the mage his torso. Both saw the mess of bruises and scars of the blonde his torso and they were surprised. Especially of the scar around his heart, that itself should have been deadly. Anders his chest was full of slashes and criss cross scars. It wasn't a pretty sight to behold. Orana had seen Anders shirtless before. The Warden sometimes changed to another shirt to make some bandages from the one that was already tattered. She already knew what kind of scars Anders had and decided not to ask from what they were which she knew the mage appreciated. However she could not deny that she didn't stare the first time. In Tevinter a mage was rarely scarred and to think that Anders was a Spirit Healer as well she was kinda surprised that he had scars.

"Serah, could you both please stop staring. I know from experience that Messere Anders would be uncomfortable with that. If you have questions ask them later when he is more comfortable around you. You both do not speak fondly to him and he acts the same to you two. He doesn't speak to anyone about it, just that you know." While Orana was talking she was also busy taking care of Anders his wounds. Dressing them with a care and quickness that she could only have learned from the Healer of Darktown. Both the elf and the human were surprised at the words that Orana said. It wasn't often that Orana spoke with such a harsh tone. Nor was it often that she said sentences that could be seen as impolite. The former female slave looked at them with a stiff smile. She realized that she sounded quite accusing as well as harsh and she didn't meant it to sound like that

"I am sorry Messeres. I didn't mean it like that. I just know that Anders doesn't enjoy being asked about them. He gets uncomfortable if you look at them. The Healer has been teaching me how to read and to write and I asked him if he could teach me how to heal others and how to take care of them. And in return I offered to help him out in the clinic whenever Messere Hawke has no need of me. In the clinic I can make sure he eats at least something instead of giving it all away. He can be far too kind sometimes and he reminds me that not all mages are like my former mistress." She sighed and put Anders his shirt back up and stood up. "I am going to make something to eat for us. I will be right back" After that she left for the kitchen to make some food. Fenris and Sebastian looked after Orana and then they looked at each other.

"Where you aware that Anders helped Orana with reading and writing Fenris?" Questioned the prince to which the elf shook his head. "Hawke and I rarely talk about mages or anything. I think it's way to keep the peace and the Mage doesn't really talk to me either. At most we banter sometimes, but Hawke rarely brings the Mage with him when you or I are in the team." Answered Fenris and Sebastian nodded in agreement. "However I once listened to what the Mage said to you. Something about that he was lucky in the Circle... It makes me wonder what unlucky was in his eyes if you can see the scars." That was the last thing Fenris said before he beckoned the prince to follow him in the kitchen. He wanted to ask a few things to Orana about the scarred man in the bed.

"Orana, sorry to disturb you, but could I ask you a few things?" The Elf asked politely. Orana looked up from the pot she was using to make some soup. She looked like she didn't want to answered anything, but in the end she just nodded. "They are just some few simple questions about the mage." Fenris explained and she nodded again.

"Did you ask Anders to teach you? Why did you want to learn healing and how often do you help him in the clinic?" Asked the Elf while he sat down at the table with Sebastian, who looked just as interested in the answers of those questions.

"Messere Anders offered to teach me after I began helping in the clinic. Messere Hawke often gets hurt and refused to disturbs Messere Anders. So I asked if the Healer could teach me so that I could help Messere Hawke. And for your last question, I help him whenever he is either away with Messere Hawke or whenever Hawke doesn't need me and the clinic is still open." Answered Orana while putting some herbs in the soup. Fenris and Sebastian nodded and looked at the female elf.

"What kind of soup are you making Orana?" Sebastian inquired to which the ex-slave smiled. "I made Chicken soup Messere. Anders is always joking that Chicken soup is the best kind of food for the sick and the healing." With that Orana continued with cooking. The human and the elf told Orana that they will be going to the Mage to see if everything went well and to be there when he woke up. After all nobody enjoys waking up in pain and be alone.


	3. Chapter 3

When Anders woke up, the first thing that he felt was pain. When the pain slightly subside he took a chance to open his eyes. Only to see two of his least favourite people sitting on his bedside. He tried to sit up only to have Sebastian immediately telling him to take things easy. He looked at the Chantry brother and elf warily and they couldn't blame him. It was then that he realised that he was practically naked from the torso down, with only bandages to cover him up. Bile raised up in his throat and he became visibly ill. Fenris went to get a bucket and gave it to the Mage, who took it gladly before he threw everything out. Anders hated his scars. They were a disgrace for any Healer. After all a Healer with that many scars couldn't be a good Healer right? Otherwise he would have made sure that the wounds wouldn't have scarred right? Blondie hated to look at himself in the mirror. Before he used to have an amulet that would hide his scars. A gift from Karl… That man was creative in all the right ways. However he lost it during his time with the Wardens and after that he just couldn't look at himself again.

"Anders, how are you feeling?" Asked Sebastian and if Anders wasn't feeling sick then he would have given an sarcastic comment. Instead he just used the bucket once more. It wasn't until Orana came with the soup that he looked up miserably from the bucket.

"Anders, you look absolutely horrible." She said while she put sown the plate with soup and a piece of bread. She walked towards him and gently pried the bucket out of his hands. She put the blanket more over him, so that he didn't see himself.

"Thank Orana, glad to know I look the same as I feel." Anders said and tried to smile. Orana went back to the plate with food and brought it over to Anders. "Did you made me some Chicken soup? You know that's probably the best thing that I smell for days."

"Well you did always joke that it was good for the sick and the healing and you need to get better."

Sebastian and Fenris watched there little banter going on, until Fenris softly coughed and both the Mage and the female elf remembered that they were not alone. Anders had by now concluded that he was at Fenris' mansion due to the hole in the roof. The mage thanked Orana once more before she said that she would go back to Hawke and that Anders should be more careful in the future, to which the Mage nodded. He gave a small wave while he ate when she left. Both men looked at Anders, who made it a job not to look at them.

"So Anders, could you tell us what happened last night?" Sebastian saw immediately the tensing of Anders his shoulders by that question.

"Templars visited, had a blast. Drank some wine, they had some fun, then they got bored and then they found out they like kinky stuff and well I was there. It was like drinking in the Fade with Demons all over. It was delightful." Grumbled Anders. "Next time I could ask them if they could ask you two to join them. It would be more fun. The Chantry Brother who tells me 'You should be in the Circle, Anders'. Or otherwise the Prickly Elf who would say 'You do deserve to be bound after all _Mage._´ It would be great." Anders began to finish up his soup. He wasn't sure how he would deal with their questions about his scars, but right now they would have to deal with his usual, lovely wit.

"What did they do Anders, if they hurt you then tell me how they look or even their name and we will take care of them. " Fenris offered. "Also your way of portraying both Sebastian and me is inaccurate. We wouldn't join them, we would ruin them."

"Well then if you could go after Ser Buckethelmet one and Serrah Buckethelmet two, three and four and if you at it, Messere Buckethelmet five would be lovely too. Do you really think they would barge into my clinic without their helmets and tell me their names? That would make things a lot easier, but alas. Life is hard and I'm used to it by now." Anders answered while finished his last piece of bread. "Now if you could kindly tell me where my clothes are, so that I could go back and see the damage they have done to my clinic."

"Orana took your robes with her, probably to wash the blood out. And you Anders are not going anywhere. You need rest and need time to heal, do not aggravate your wounds." Sebastian looked at Anders and hoped that the Mage saw the worry in his eyes.

"I can heal myself the moment my magic has returned, don't worry about that. I have dealt with worse and I will be fine." Anders eyed the other too and noticed that they wouldn't budge at all. "Andrastes Flaming ass, fine then get me at least a shirt. It's getting cold and I would like to wear at least something more than pants only." He saw Elf nodding and leave only to come back later with a large tunic. Anders took it and threw it on immediately, only giving a small grimace from the pain. He looked at Sebastian and groaned. He knew that look… It was the same look the Warden Commander and Orana had before they asked what happened to him. He didn't want to have this conversation anytime, but maybe with some bad jokes and some lovely wit they would leave him alone.

"Anders… We will probably the last one you ever wanted to know, but we will not tell anyone. Does Hawke knows about your scars?" Sebastian politely asked and hummed when Anders shook his head. "Can you tell us what happened Anders? You are a capable Healer, you could have healed them without them scarring."

"Listen Choir Boy, I can heal almost anything without scarring, Darkspawn wounds notwithstanding, but to heal things you need mana. Are you still following? Yes? Greeaaatt. So when a Serrah Templar is not so happy he will smite you and do fun things with you. Like hurting you. It's great for their mood you know? You think I'm joking, but I'm not. Great days those were. So when a made is hit by a Holy Smite, our mana is kinda gone… And then we can't heal that and they would make sure to remind you what you did wrong, thus letting it get scarred." Anders explained while looking at them angrily.

"Mage, you told Sebastian that you were fortunate. You lied." Fenris growled to him. Anders rolled his eyes.

"No I did not. I am _not_ in the Circle anymore am I? I got fortunate and I was lucky. Now I hope that we are done. This lovely short conversation took all my patience away and as a Healer I would tell myself that I would require sleep. So do you mind if I go and try to get some sleep?" Anders asked softly in the end. The harsh tone slowly leaving his voice. Both Sebastian and Fenris nodded and quietly left while Anders moved deeper under the blanket. If he would have to stay here, then he would make the most use out of a normal bed.

Outside of the door both Fenris and Sebastian looked at each other. Both realized that Anders made it sounds like his experience in the Circle was like one big joke, but one look at Anders his body showed them that maybe not everything is as black and white as they see it. However Fenris wondered one thing out loud.

"Why didn't Justice show up when the Templars came last night and why haven't we seen him now either."


End file.
